why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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