i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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