Ambien. No doubt about it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
