Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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