Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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