conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
