Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
