Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
