a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
