I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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