so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
