I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
