Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
