you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
