I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
