I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
