i just sent this text using only my big toe
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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