I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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