the condom got lost in my hair
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
