So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
