why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
