Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
