You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
