I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
