I like my sex mixed with concussions.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize