Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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