I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
