Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize