U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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