u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
