i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
