You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You left your phone here
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