dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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