I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
