Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
