I wannas sexs uuuuu
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
