my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize