I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
