don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
