theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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