i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
