Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
