I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
