Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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