i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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