I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
