Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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