Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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