I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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