Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
