She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
