Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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