I should be sponsored by Trojan
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
