brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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