I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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