Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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