Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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