Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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