Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
