You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
