There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
