My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
