i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
