your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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