you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
