I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
