Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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