I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
NoShamevember. You game?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
