when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
