So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
