good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
