For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
