I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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