Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
